


Brave as a Noun (Soudam)

by ySoda (yrxole)



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dangan Ronpa Spoilers, Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Jabberwock Island (Dangan Ronpa), M/M, Neo World Program (Dangan Ronpa), Oneshot, Soda Kazuichi-Centric, Super Dangan Ronpa 2 Spoilers, background characters mentioned - Freeform, funhouse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-02-22 22:28:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23934697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yrxole/pseuds/ySoda
Summary: Kazuichi Soda was a lot of things, but brave wasn’t one of them. He was well aware of that.
Relationships: Soda Kazuichi/Tanaka Gundham, Sonia Nevermind & Tanaka Gundham
Comments: 9
Kudos: 222





	Brave as a Noun (Soudam)

**Author's Note:**

> A/N:
> 
> (The titel is because I was inspired by the song Brave as a Noun by AJJ)   
> I haven't written soudam in a while, so here we go. Again, I'm sorry, it's late and I couldn't pre-read, sorry for any extra grammar mistakes than usual. 
> 
> warning: swearing and danganronpa spoilers 
> 
> -I write kazuichi soda without the 'u' because I'm used to that, I imagine the game-version when I write about him (mostly)  
> -We all know I have a hard time writing Gundham's speech nothing new   
> -What happens here isn't canon so don't think Kaz actually does this, it's a fiction after all. You shouldn't be reading this if you haven't gotten to trial 4 anyway (at least if you don't want possible spoilers)
> 
> Constructive critism is welcome, but please don't be too harsh on me :)

Kazuichi Soda was a lot of things, but brave wasn’t one of them. He was well aware of that. 

He was made aware of that every day that he spend on this damn island, occasionally by the other ultimate students, but mostly by himself. It wasn’t just the fact that he couldn’t enjoy normal things like other students his age could; of course it was a problem that he had motion sickness and therefore couldn’t enjoy a simple roller coaster trip, and of course it was a problem that he couldn’t handle any type of gore and for that reason wouldn’t dream about setting foot in a cinema if it were to play a horror movie, but that wasn’t the biggest hindrance on this island. When death was surrounding them here and it was something he was supposed to get used to, being easily scared like Kazuichi was turned out to be not only a problem to him but also a huge annoyance to the other students around him that went through the same thing. Every murder that occurred was the same story; Soda couldn’t bare any of them. No matter the little amount of time he spend with the person that would have died, he still couldn’t handle their death. Heck, he was pretty sure he even cried when Hiyoko died, and all she did to him was make stupid remarks. Everyone was sad when a death happened, sure, and everyone was shocked, but not nearly as a wreck as Kazuichi would feel. He had trouble sleeping at night, tinkering on whatever he could get his hands on, resulting into projects that he didn’t even dare take outside of his cottage. Not that he could, right now, since he wasn’t in his cottage. No. They were stuck in a stupid funhouse, which could’ve been named headache house and that would’ve fit a lot better. 

Kazuichi wasn’t stupid. He could be a bit dumb sometimes, sure, but he wasn’t stupid; no matter what his other classmates seemed to think. 

He knew they thought he was completely useless during class trials, and he himself was pretty sure that was remotely true. Yes, he didn’t come up with any great theories during their debates, and yes, he wasn’t actually that busy investigating after a murder since he was trying to calm himself down for the class trial during that time. But he was pretty sure his ideas weren’t as far off as everyone else seemed to think, and at least he tried to say whatever he deemed useful for them to know. He just got nervous knowing that these trials were extremely important, and he didn’t actually want them to screw up too bad, so he only commented sometimes, but for some reason all the things he said seemed to be just the wrong thing. He knew that most students on the island, living and dead, thought he was a selfish asshole. Of course they wouldn’t just tell him, but he was well aware. He knew that people like Hajime and Sonia thought he was clingy or even would go as far as to call him a stalker, and he honestly put that upon himself by the way he acted, but he couldn’t help it. He knew that the students wanted him to stop speaking so much about unimportant things that busied him, mostly surrounding Miss Sonia, but again, he couldn’t help it; it was the only thing he could do to distract himself from all the death surrounding them. Kazuichi was a lot more aware about things than the others thought he was, and he was a lot more worried about everything going on around them than the others thought he was. 

He was sitting on the edge of his bed in the shabby room he got to claim for himself in the Strawberry house. His luck failed him once again when the guys chose rooms for themselves; he would have loved to spend his night in just a normal room, it didn’t even have to be one of the deluxes, but of course that wouldn’t happen. Humorlessly the pink haired male chuckled, shaking his head before grabbing at his beanie with both hands. It was unfair, everything that was going on was unfair. They were stuck in this funhouse for far too long now, and everyone was breaking, no matter how strong they tried to seem. Soda didn’t put a lot of work into hiding how tired he was; he didn’t care that the other students could sense the bags under his eyes from miles away, since no one around was any better. 

The room he had to stay in wasn’t anything special. The mattress of his bed was anything but soft, although he was pretty used to that from the time he used to live with his dad above their garage. The walls were a little boring, but anything was better than that strawberry pattern he had to look at day in day out. There was a nightstand with a small cupboard, but not many things in it. Some useless Monokuma objects, Kazuichi supposed. Although, now he thought of it, the little mirror that he’d found in there earlier he was at least a little interested in. So reluctantly he reached out to the knob of the drawer and opened it. The small mirror was facing upwards, the same as Soda had left it last time he checked the drawer. He was looking into his own pink eyes, but apart from that, it didn’t feel like it was he himself he was looking at. He felt like he was looking at someone else, someone that did an awfully good job at looking like him, but someone else nonetheless. His bright pink hair felt dull, his sharp teeth felt blunt, and his gaze felt anything but energetic. It reminded him of who he was before he got accepted into Hope’s Peak, and he didn’t want to think about that, no matter how much he hated the school right now. 

Soda was tired, and not just a little tired. Ever since Byakuya ended up under that party table with stab wounds in his body, Kazuichi couldn’t close his eyes without the image of a dead classmate on his brain. Of course, over time this wasn’t just the dead Ultimate Affluent Progeny that haunted his dreams, but all the other victims as well. Kaz was pretty sure he would give anything for a good night of sleep right about now, and some water. His throat was as sore as it could be without the amount of liquid he definitely needed to ingest, and his stomach was hurting from the lack of food it was being fed. Monokuma surely had thought of a smart motive this time, the boy thought bitterly. The Grape house and Strawberry house with their themed motif on every single wall and floor and ceiling that they could walk through, it was horrible to live in when you weren’t allowed food. Not only did it make him hungry, it made his head hurt as well. There was only so much flashy green and red that he could handle, and that was rich coming from him with his gaudy jumpsuits. 

Before coming to the funhouse, Kazuichi could have no idea what living in misery was really like, but now he did. Every student around him was slowly giving up and giving into the despair that this place brought with as well. The only friend Kaz really had left, he didn’t trust anymore: Hajime Hinata. There was a traitor amongst them, after all, and Hinata still didn’t tell anyone his talent. Kazuichi wanted to trust him, he really did, but he couldn’t. Not when an idea that made him worry had crept into his mind, because it would just take over as usual and have him cower away from the things he feared. He felt alone, he felt miserable, he felt angry, he felt… a lot of things, and it was hard to process. But mostly, he felt like he had to do this, brave or not. His hand instinctively found it’s way to his pocket again, where the metal object was waiting. He wasn’t sure why Monokuma allowed him to take his wrench with to the funhouse, but then again, he was probably thinking something like this would happen. Soda took a shaky breath. ‘Y-you can do this’, he muttered to himself, hoping it would reassure him a little, which it didn’t.

No one else was going to do anything, so it seemed. They were almost all too tired, the only advantage that Kazuichi had in the moment was being used to not sleeping well, so basically, exhaustion. And yes, Kazuichi wasn’t as brave as he’d like to be, but perhaps he could make one choice that would prove him useful to the other ultimates. Even if they would still think it was made out of selfishness, that didn’t mean he could proof to himself that he wasn’t. Soda hadn’t actually thought of who he was going to kill yet; he didn’t come past the panic that settled in himself when he realised he was actually considering this. But today was different. It wasn’t just him that was feeling miserable, he’d seen how the others were suffering just as much as he was. For once, Kazuichi couldn’t permit to make it all about himself. Still, he had to be a little bit selfish, since he couldn’t commit a crime that was going to leave no victims but himself. So he had to pick. 

Pushing his worries aside, like  _ was he even capable of murder?,  _ the mechanic forced himself to think about it. The first option that came to mind was Nagito Komaeda, which was kind of logical he thought. However, Komaeda was really useful during the class trials, whether they liked it or not. The objective here wasn’t for Kazuichi to leave the island; it was for this Hell in the funhouse to end. So Nagito wasn’t an option. Then he thought about Nekomaru, but he was pretty sure he couldn’t even kill the dude if he tried. He was a robot now, and even though Soda had a fascination with things like robots, he wasn’t sure how to actually murder one. Before today he didn’t need to know after all. The sharp toothed ultimate also didn’t think Fuyuhiko would be a good idea, since if he somehow managed to get off the island without the other classmates finding out it was him, he wouldn’t want the whole japanese mafia to be after him. He sure wasn’t going to be able to kill a girl, and even though he didn’t fully trust him yet, Hajime was also out of the question. So basically, that left only one option. Gundham Tanaka. 

It was kind of ironic, really, how it would come down to that guy. Even though it would be fairly obvious to the others that Soda was the culprit if they found the Ultimate Breeder’s body, he still was the only doable choice. The other students knew that Kazuichi hated the guy’s guts and that these feelings were mutual, but that was the thing. The mechanic didn’t truly  _ hate  _ him, if he thought about it. Of course, he didn’t understand him, and he envied his closeness to miss Sonia, but that was really all there was to it. Soda couldn’t help but to admire him in a way, no matter how hard he tried to dislike the guy for being close to the princess. Still, Kazuichi used the rest of the time leading up to night time in his room to mentally prepare for what he was going to do. 

Night time took a while to arrive, the whole time before being spend by the mechanic trying to calm himself down and figuring out what exactly he was going to do. He didn’t get any further in his mind than inside of Gundham’s room, but that would just mean a little improvising had to be done. Again taking a deep breath and steadying himself, Soda walked to the door. It was like his brain was warning him to stop now, when his hand reached the doorknob and almost he couldn’t will himself to open it, but something in him snapped, and he turned the knob, opening the door. He couldn’t be a coward now, he didn’t want to be. Even though everyone in Strawberry house was probably in their room by now to get some sleep, still the pink haired male tiptoed through the hall to the deluxe room that Tanaka would be staying at. Without making much noise, Kazuichi managed to get up to his door, and he knocked softly, cringing a little as it also made a noise that was hearable outside of the room. If he remembered correctly, inside of the room would be soundproof, so that wouldn’t be a problem. A shudder ran through his body when he thought like that. 

If it had taken any longer, Soda was pretty sure he would’ve lost this bit of brave he had at the moment and would have returned to his room. But soon enough, the door was opened, mismatched eyes of the breeder staring into the mechanic’s pink ones. ‘Ah, Soda’, the guy acknowledged him, still not opening his door more than a small gap to look through. ‘What is it you desire at this time of day, to journey as far as my current realm of sleeping?’. Strangely enough, he didn’t sound snappy like Kazuichi supposed he would; it would only be logical for someone that wasn’t  _ that  _ sociable like Gundham himself wouldn’t enjoy visitors this late. ‘Huh? Oh, I uh’, Kazuichi stammered, trying to calm his racing heart down, ‘I just wanted to talk, is all’, he continued off, biting his lip afterwards and regretting the action as soon as he did; his teeth really weren’t as blunt as he thought they were. 

Tanaka’s eyes didn’t leave his, and the period of silence that followed after was almost unbearable. It was like the breeder was studying him, and Kaz didn’t like it one bit, considering what his actual plans were. But then the taller male spoke up. ‘Well then, I suppose you have my permission to enter. May the blessing of my cursed presence be to your liking, for I, the great Gundham Tanaka allow your company’, The guy said, opening his door more, and Soda supposed that meant he could come in. He wasn’t feeling that  _ blessed _ at the moment though; his eyes were a little wide, as he quickly shushed the guy. ‘Quiet, everyone can hear us!’, he hissed at him, stepping inside of the room and closing the door behind him. 

The deluxe room was certainly living up to its name. First of all, everything was bigger, yet there was more space around as well somehow. The bed seemed nice, he actually had a working ventilation so it wasn’t as hot as it had been in Soda’s room, and it was just overall better than the shabby room Kazuichi had to stay in. ‘Actually’, Tanaka’s deep voice sounded, and Kazuichi snapped his gaze back to the dude as his moment of comparing their rooms was interrupted. ‘It would be of immense help if you were able to lend me your assistance in a Devilish task that was brought upon me by the Gods of Fate’. That meant something along the lines of Gundham needing his help with something, Soda supposed, and he chose not to make a comment about his awful way of speaking, as he simply nodded. ‘Uh, yeah, sure dude. Whaddya need my help for?’. For some reason, it caught the guy off guard that Kazuichi would so simply offer him to help. Normally he probably wouldn’t, saying he would have to figure whatever problems he had out himself, but now was a little different. If Kazuichi was going to take his life, he could at least show the decency to help him, since it truly wasn’t Tanaka’s fault what was going on. 

‘It appears that one of my trusted Dark Devas of Destruction, Invading Black Dragon Cham-P, has gone missing somewhere in my realm, and he does not answer to my calls when I attempt to convocate my wariors’, Gundham said somewhat reluctantly, probably not that keen on showing weakness. He obviously cared for his hamsters, no matter what stupid names he would give them. ‘Oh, Cham-P, that’s the big one right?’, Kaz asked, and even in the situation with what he had on his mind a small smile played on his lips when Tanaka’s face reddened a bit, for whatever reason that may have been. ‘I… suppose you could recognize this particular warrior by his format, yes’, the breeder mumbled, and Soda couldn’t help but to chuckle softly. ‘Wow, how on earth did you manage to lose that one?’. There was no response, although he was pretty sure the guy was cursing at him in latin as he turned and covered the underside of his face with his purple scarf, as he started to continue his search through the room. Even though Gundham always tried to seem like this cold and evil person, Kazuichi could definitely notice that the guy was internally freaking out a bit by the thought that something might have happened to his pet. He obviously cared for the animals, and weren’t the breeder technically his love rival, Soda would’ve probably found it endearing. Now he had no time to think about it, since the fact that he was going to basically take this soul was nerve wracking and playing on his mind non stop. He too looked around the room for the golden hamster, and avoided looking at the other ultimate. Kazuichi himself wasn’t that great at hiding his feelings, and usually his expressions were quite recognizable. However, if Tanaka noticed something was off, he didn’t comment on it. 

The mechanic was pretty sure they had searched the room at least three times already, but that didn’t stop Gundham from again checking cupboards that they’d already looked into. ‘He’s not here Tanaka, we’ve been looking for hours’, Kazuichi groaned over exaggerating, and the breeder didn’t even spare him a glance. ‘You traveled to my realm of sleeping to converse’, Tanaka changed the subject, ‘yet you have not tried to commune’. Soda huffed, and folded his arms together as he leaned against the wall when he decided to just look at the other ultimate in the room. ‘God, I know you hate me, but do ya really gotta torture me like this?’, the pink haired individual complained as he dramatically leaned his head back. ‘I do not have the ability to comprehend as to why you keep insisting I harbour a hatred towards you, Soda’, the breeder simply retorted. 

This however, was news to the mechanic. He frowned a bit, folding his arms over his chest. ‘Wait- you’re saying you don’t hate me?’, he asked confusedly. In response, Gundham gave him a look that said enough;  _ are you serious?.  _ ‘This- what?’, Soda chuckled nervously, stepping forward and feeling a little strange. ‘I mean- we fight, you know. All the time. Well, not all the time’. 

‘I had the assumption that this information was fairly obvious, yet you seem to have assumed otherwise’.

‘Of course it’s not obvious, literally  _ everyone  _ thinks you hate me!’. 

‘No, that is incorrect on your part, Soda’. 

‘Alright then’, Kazuichi huffed, folding his arms again defensively. ‘You tell me someone that is convinced you don’t. I’ll wait’. He knew he was being a little childish, but that honestly was his thing, and Tanaka couldn’t expect him to be normal about this. ‘Lady Sonia’, the simple answer was. ‘Excuse me?’, the mechanic’s eyes widened as he stared at the breeder. He wasn’t sure why Nevermind was getting involved in this conversation, and he also wasn’t sure if he liked that she was. Usually once the topic changed to the princess, their chat turned to arguing. Come to think of it, that actually may have been to Kazuichi’s advantage a bit, since he needed something to get riled up over anyway. ‘I do not feel hatred towards you. I am greatly horrified by how you treat the Dark Queen, yet for you yourself… I cannot say I worry too much’, Tanaka explained himself calmly, still looking through the cupboard although it should have been obvious that Cham-P wasn’t in there and wasn’t gonna get in there either the longer that the dude was looking there. ‘Wow, thanks, that’s nice’, Soda scoffed sarcastically, and to his dismay, this only caused the breeder to smirk a bit, almost mockingly. ‘You should have expected as much from the Overlord of Ice’, the guy told him, making Kaz roll his eyes in response. 

A bit reluctantly, Soda checked the dude’s bed again to see if the hamster really wasn’t there, hoping it would just turn up right now and he could be done with this. The small irritation between him and Tanaka had been gone way too soon, and the sharp toothed male didn’t have a lot time to get pissed at the guy so he could at least excuse his planned actions. It was selfish, sure, but since that would be the last selfish action he was going to take, he was going to try. So he did try to stir the conversation into a direction that would cause another verbal fight, however, for some reason the breeder wasn’t taking the bait. No matter what Kazuichi said, he stayed calm, which in the end did manage to piss him off a little. 

‘Kazuichi’, Gundham suddenly spoke up, using his given name, in a voice that seemed to set a whole different mood from what the breeder had shown so far; this was more careful. ‘I have noticed your… abnormal behavior. So it is my duty to warn you; I understand what your intentions with traveling to my realm were, but do not make this mistake’. 

It felt like Soda’s lungs had stopped working, and his heart had stopped beating. He was caught. From the very beginning, possibly. Tanaka knew. Yet, he wondered, why didn’t the guy do anything about it then? He could have kept his door shut on the pink haired man, and pretended to simply not be there. He could have told Soda to stay away and find someone else to kill. He could have done a lot of things, or even show the boy he knew what his intentions were, yet he chose not to, and for what reason? It didn’t just confuse Kazuichi, it also irritated him. Once again he wouldn’t be able to understand the breeder’s thought process; once again he would be seen as the stupid ultimate in the room. ‘No, you don’t understand’, Kazuichi said, his tone darker than he thought it would be, but that didn’t matter. He was clear with what he wanted, now more than ever, what he had to do. Some Gundham saying he was going to make a mistake wasn’t going to stop him; he wasn’t a coward anymore. He spent the whole day forcing himself to do this, so he was going to finish it. ‘You should believe me when I tell you, I truly do understand’, Gundham responded. He stood up from being hunched over at the spot he was at before, turned to Kazuichi and carefully inspecting him. Soda didn’t like it one bit. ‘I don’t think you do’, the pink haired male retorted, his hand moving instinctively into his pocket, and wrapping around the wrench he carried on him. 

The breeder held his hands out, almost defensively. His eyes never left Soda’s. ‘I assure you, I do. You are about to make a grave mistake, Kazuichi’, the man warned him, and Kazuichi huffed, his eyes dark. His hand tightened around the metal object he up til now had only used for renovating and tinkering with things. Even if Tanaka seemed to know what this was leading to, he didn’t look scared one bit, and it frustrated Kazuichi. He didn’t hope for him to show humanity in his last moments, since he wanted to be able to do this without feeling too much remorse at first, but he of course couldn’t. ‘We are… far more similar than you assume’, Gundham continued, and Kazuichi raised a brow a little, for some reason thinking that the breeder was just trying to talk himself out of this. ‘That’s bullshit, what does that even mean?!’, he snapped, stepping closer to the breeder. He didn’t flinch or cower back, and it only worked on the mechanic’s nerves more. ‘It means…’, Tanaka started, seemingly trying his best to explain it in simpler words than he was used to using, ‘that we at some point may have had similar thought processes to attempt at changing the fate the devilish bear has brought upon us’. ‘You’re not making sense!’, Kazuichi denied him, hoping he could at least make himself believe that, but it was to no avail. He knew exactly what Gundham meant, but it left him more confused. And seeing his expression, the male knew this. ‘Kazuichi, you and I know you have to stop this’, he tried again. 

‘No!’, the pink haired male snapped at him again, retrieving the wrench from his pocket. The light in the room almost made it shimmer a little, and it would have been a pretty sight if they didn’t know what the purpose of this object was at the moment. ‘I can’t- I can’t let you stop me now, I have to do this’, Kazuichi said, in his head trying to tell himself that he shouldn’t apologize to Tanaka, but he wasn’t exactly listening to his brain. ‘It is not your responsibility’, Tanaka softly spoke, and Soda shook his head frantically trying to stop his words from draining his thoughts. ‘Shut up! It is- for once, it is my responsibility, and I don’t care how many pretty words you’re going to dirty to try and stop me, I can’t’, Soda tried to excuse himself in a way, stepping forward less confidently than before. ‘Kazuichi…’, the breeder sight, and Kazuichi let out a frustrated yelp. ‘Stop using my name!’. ‘Soda’, Gundham changed his usage, ‘I have known your intentions to be worthy from the beginning, however, I cannot bear to see you make this mistake’, the man spoke, only genuine worry evident in his voice, and it angered Soda. Why couldn’t Tanaka just make it easy then, if he knew, and fight back? 

‘You said we’re similar, right?’, the mechanic breathed, feeling a strange sense of calmness overtake his body. It wasn’t a pleasant calm, though. It was a scary one. He almost cowered away from it, yet he forced his body to welcome it. This is what he needed. ‘If that truly is so, that means I’m not the only one who has thought of murder by now’. The word felt strange on his tongue and he didn’t like it, but it came out as cold as the rest of the sentence had. To his shock, his voice almost reminded him of his dad whenever Kazuichi would come home after getting a bad grade at school and the man had found out. ‘You are… correct’, Tanaka confessed honestly, his mismatched eyes focussed on the floor in front of him as if in shame. ‘Well then, this is your chance, bud! Get up, and fight me’, his voice quivered a little at that, as he didn’t actually have the guts to really fight, but he needed Gundham to at least show some malice so he could continue what he knew he needed to do. The breeder seemed to realise Kazuichi’s internal battle because of this though, and his eyes softened even more, an expression that Soda didn’t want to see on his face settling there anyway: sympathy. ‘Do not be selfish’, the boy said, the contents of the sentence in contrast to his understanding expression, ‘you know you are endangering yourself, Kazuichi’. 

Even though his legs were shaking, he stepped closer. He wanted Gundham to be intimidated and start to fight back, but he didn’t, and it was frustrating. ‘Pink Haired One, this is not going to change a thing and you are well aware of this fact’, Tanaka said, the nickname sounding somewhat out of place yet completely right. It made Soda shudder a little, and he didn’t want to; he wanted to be strong, and he wanted to be brave even if it was just for a second, but Tanaka’s words were making him cowering away from the thought. ‘Shut up- it is gonna change everything! You think I’m selfish, you all do, and this is going to be the least selfish decision I ever made, so let me have it,  _ damn it _ !’. 

‘I do not think you are selfish, leastways not this instant, and I understand the thought process behind your actions, I do’, Tanaka denied his claim, but it didn’t stop Kazuichi’s rage and frustration at what he was being told. ‘If you understand, then why the fuck are you not manning up and fighting back!’, the sharp toothed individual snarled, hoping he didn’t seem as unsure of himself as he really felt right then. ‘I would, but I can not’, the guy pleaded. He didn’t seem afraid of his life at all; he seemed afraid of Soda’s, and it was unfair. ‘Why?! Why not me, when you’ve been planning for so long?! Get up’, he hissed at him, as Gundham stayed with his back against the wall, literally. No matter the words the mechanic was speaking, he was afraid, even if he didn’t want to admit it. ‘Kazuichi-’, Tanaka muttered his given name, in again a pleading way, and something inside the pink haired male snapped.    
  
Kazuichi lurched forward, his hand tightly wrapped around the handle of the wrench. 

Before he could do anything, his arm was stopped by a stronger hand of Tanaka’s wrapped around it, preventing Soda from using the weaponed hand. His arm stilled mid-air. Only during this slow pause of movement, forced, did the mechanic notice his uneven breathing. He was shaking, just like before, and all the terrifying calmness was gone from his body. He let his scared side take over, for just a moment, because of those eyes. Close to Gundham’s face, their eyes connected sight. The genuine sadness, and sympathy it was mixed with in the breeder’s expression, made Soda involuntarily tear up a bit, although he bit those tears back. This wasn’t supposed to happen; he was supposed to be done by now.  _ He failed _ . To those words. Those eyes, that told him it was okay. But it wasn’t,  _ it wasn’t okay _ . ‘Gundham-’, Soda choked out, his body tense as the grip on his arm never lessened. ‘You wished to know why I am unable to allow you to commit the sin belonging to the Devil himself’, Tanaka said softly, ‘while I would not have hesitated to do so myself. I suppose, I do not know how to explain it to you properly with words’. ‘What does that mean?’, Soda asked quietly, his brave long gone. Gundham leaned forward, one last glance into his eyes. The mechanic was pretty sure he would have started to actually cried right then, if it weren’t for the breeder’s next action. 

Gundham kissed him. 

Kazuichi’s eyes were wide in both surprise and confusion as soft lips met his chapped and dry ones. Tanaka’s skin was far warmer than he had supposed it would be, perhaps because of the dark aesthetic and the Overlord of Ice stuff. He felt the soft breath on his face, and for some reason, Soda welcomed it. For someone that had a self-proclaimed poisonous and very harmful skin, he felt really… soft. Caring. Even though the kiss was sudden and fully meant, not once did the breeder part his lips even slightly as he didn’t want to overstep his boundaries too much, although the act of attacking Soda’s lips with his own may have been seen as such. 

It didn’t last that long, as Tanaka swiftly pulled back again, but it felt far longer for Soda who almost felt like time had frozen around him. As soon as Gundham pulled back, a redness to his shy but at the same time determined face, confusion and a slight fear started to set in the mechanic. His skin was tingling slightly from the sensation, and it scared him. He also now noted there was nothing in his hand anymore; during the action, Kazuichi’s grip had softened, and he had dropped his tool to the floor as if it had no reason to be there anyway. ‘I apologize’, Tanaka spoke first, his eyes struggling to keep his gaze on Soda. The pink haired male had no idea what to say; he expected a lot, but not this. 

‘I… need a moment’, Kazuichi managed to mumble, before he bolted from the room, leaving a slightly red Gundham Tanaka behind in his room. The whole despair from this place and the thoughts about what Soda had just tried to do were long gone now; there was something new on his mind. The confusion, the fear, everything. 

The mechanic stumbled to his room, harshly closing the door behind him and leaning against it as he forced himself to breathe normally. ‘What… the fuck’, he muttered out, wheezing a little as his heartbeat and with that his breathing sped up. Tanaka, a dude that was known for resenting the touch of people around him and definitely that of a  _ lowly mortal _ like he loved to call Kazuichi, had kissed him. Right after Soda basically came barging into his room to kill him. It didn’t make sense, at all, and yet it made full sense right now. Why Gundham had been so against the idea of Kazuichi committing a crime while he himself had thought about it before, and why even while knowing his true intentions he didn’t mind his company. The guy must have at least liked him, otherwise that kiss would’ve made no sense either. He must have. But why? And  _ How? _ And most importantly, what was Kazuichi going to do about it? 

He wanted to do nothing, really. He wanted to go to bed, stay under his covers and cower away from these problems like so far he had wanted to do with everything that went on around him. And for a moment there, he had convinced himself in his head that it was okay. He had been brave enough today by at least trying for the people around him, although he wouldn’t dream about telling them his plans, for they would probably never trust him again. He was pretty sure he couldn’t have done it anyway, but he  _ tried _ , and that was the importance of it. So, he decided that he deserved a break, he could try and rest some, and just avoid everyone else tomorrow to think about what he was going to do with the situation that had changed completely between him and Tanaka. 

The scary thing was, that he felt like he didn’t mind that the dude liked him. Quite the contrary; he liked the idea, and that was strange as it was. He felt a little fuzzy thinking about the fact that someone out there apparently did like him. And he did feel heat in his cheeks as well, hoping that they were just from embarrassment and not from what deep inside he knew to be true. But that was a problem for tomorrow-Kazuichi. Today-Kazuichi was going to stop worrying for a moment and sleep, leaving these problems behind so they would hopefully start to resolve themselves. A bed and some good night rest is what he needed, he was sure of it. All the confusion would be long gone, he would wake up able to deny any type of positive feeling towards the events of this day, and that was that; he could live like a coward, but a safe one. 

As soon as Soda lifted the covers from his bed up though, a pair of soft, twinkling eyes looked up at him. The big golden hamster with fur as soft as he could only imagine, rosy cheeks and a sweet look on his tiny face, Cham-P, was using Kazuichi’s pillow as a place to rest. The small animal looked up at him almost expectantly, and instinctively, Soda reached out to it. Before, one of Gundham’s hamsters had bitten him when he tried to pet it, but he couldn’t help himself. Cham-P let him do whatever he pleased, it seemed, happily nuzzling Kazuichi’s hand. He remembered Sonia saying something about this hamster being the smartest of them all, and Soda could definitely believe it, so there was a reason that the animal was hiding down here. As the Dark Deva climbed his arm to his shoulder, like it would to Tanaka, it forced Soda into giving him a small smile. He knew what the animal wanted him to do, and what he himself deep down knew was the best idea as well. 

For once, he was going to be really brave. Even if he was confused, he wasn’t stupid; he could get out of this confusion, but he would need to be brave enough to ask the boy’s help. Help to understand, help to go on. 

Scared yet determined, Kazuichi marched back to Gundham’s room, knocking on the door as Cham-P sat on his shoulder, satisfied with the decision Soda made for himself. 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N:
> 
> Me? making my boys kiss? that never happened before-  
> I suppose it's a treat for me spamming one shot stories, sorry (oops).


End file.
